The Big picture

Keeping the big picture in mind is important for all of us, parents, coaches, kids, everyone. Context is King/Queen. 1 class, 1 practice, 1 game over the boarder scale of things is never the big deal it may seem at the time, good or bad. So what is important to remember and to keep the big picture in mind when attending sports classes and games:

• 60 months!
  
  • A 5 year old has been on the planet for just 60 months! Its ok they don’t get it straight away.

• A productive day starts at home.
  • When preparing to come to a class keep life light hearted. Whatever is about to come for them today will not drastically alter the course of their life. Just another grain of sand on the beach of life.
  • It is important for the kids themselves to feel comfortable & ready (have all their necessary equipment).
  • Arrive early, let them take in the sights and sounds of their new environment, build a rapport and comfort with what they are about to do. Sports is chaos, we love chaos! Let them drink in the chaos!
• Let the kids be kids

   

  • If they want to pick daisies, no problem, if they score from 30 yards or make an outrageous catch, great.
  • Let them be themselves first

The Environment – What is a good one? How do I know?

The environment a child is about to step to anywhere in life is so important. it will form the first impression of a person, a place, a sport. Our job as parents, coaches etc is to ensure the environment is right… but how do you know?

• Know your child
  • Knowing how your child reacts to loud noises, other children, lots of activity, other adults is really important to gauge their readiness. 
  • If there are any areas that may concern you like shyness, erratic behavior or selective listening, talk to the coach.
  • The more information we have the quicker we are able to adapt our communication and select the “right tools for the job”.
• Watch before you “buy”
  • Take a look at a programs social media, go to watch a practice before you commit, ask for a trial class.
  • Do your due diligence before taking the plunge.
  • Ask questions whilst you’re there.
  • Other parents are a great source of feedback.
• What should a practice environment look like?
  • Are the kids having fun?
  • Does every kid have a ball?
  • How often are they on the ball?
  • Is the coach having fun? Or is the coach too serious?
  • Having and understanding and an acceptance a child’s game doesn’t (and shouldn’t) look like what is on tv or how adults play on a Tuesday night.

• The environment needs to look chaotic. That is where learning happens!

• • Traditionally youth sports in the USA can look very structured, rigid in its approach:
    • Straight lines
    • Work on one aspect at a time (dribbling, throwing etc)
    • In soccer in particular this doesn’t work, this isn’t the game
    • Kids love tag… there is a reason!
    • It doesn’t need to be manic, but again with the points above, is there kids on a ball, lots of movement, goals, screams, yells etc. These are hallmarks of a great environment.
  • Too structured you will lose the kids
    
    
• Understanding a kids motivation
  • Kids motivation = score goals
  • No goals = boredom
  • Competitions
    • Playing for points is always a wonderful intrinsic motivator
      • 90% of the time in younger players they wont even ask at the end
      • In the moment it is all about those points
        
        
• What should a practice environment sound like?
  • Loud, excitable, cheering
  • Can you hear the kids being invested in each others success. 

Dominance & Daisy Pickers

Kids develop at different rates. It is as simple as that. We have all seen the kids who looks like Messi on a ball, swing like Tiger Woods or pluck a ball out of the air like Mike Trout. We have all seen the kids who pick daisies, eat dirt or play Star Wars during practice. This is ok! It is actually the most fun part of a coaches job. No one will leave you speechless like a 6 year old… no one! Everyone finds their thing, some find it quicker than others. It is important to remember:

• Embrace the chaos of kids, don’t be embarrassed by it.
  
  • Embrace the chaos! 
  • Chaos is AWESOME!
  • Embarrassment is an adult problem, it is definitely an us problem.
  • For a kid this behavior is one of the millions they have just decided to do.
  • In one minute they may decide to kick the ball, they may decide that that lamp post is the Death Star and it must be destroyed.
  • It’s fine. It all comes with time! 
    
    
• Dominators
  
  
  • Keep in mind what your child may look like 2 years down the road because we let the coach develop a path
  • Just because they’re Messi today doesn’t mean they will be taking foot steps out for the National team at 20… They may be Iron Man in the car ride home…
  • Enjoy the sight of your child being successful
  • Ask the coach about the challenges they and you can set for your child.
    • If your child is doing something different and you’re not sure, ask.
    • Coaches work with individuals all the time, sometimes very subtly:
      • A different sized ball
      • Extra goals to score
      • Restricting movement
  • Our job as coaches and parents is to help prepare these children for tomorrows games and challenges
    
    
• Daisy Pickers:
  
  
  • Keep in mind what your child may look like 2 years down the road because we stook at it.  
    • It could be it hasn’t clicked, their brain not quite capturing the context yet
    • Younger children are still egocentric, life happens in their heads not what is around them yet
      
      
• The best questions to ask yourself in either case:
  
  
  • Do they want to be here?
  • Are they having fun?
  • Are they enjoying their sport?
  • Do they like being here?
  • Do they like the coach? 
  • Is my kid better than they were last month?
  • Do they want to keep doing it?
    
• •  

Measuring Your Childs Performance

How do you know if your child is doing well? Absolutely rational and relatable question. But the answer is not relative. It is not based on comparison with other children nor do we need a report card like school. So how do we measure performance or more importantly, what is my child getting out of performing?

• SOFT SKILLS > FOOT SKILLS
  • The soft skills, the non-tangible aspects of sport will forever be the greatest outcomes to your child’s sporting journey.
  • In an article by Forbes on what the next generation of adults entering into the working world will need the following “attributes” came out top:
    • Adaptability
      • Can I change to the environment around me?
    • Resilience
      • Can I take defeat and move on, stick at it, persevere
    • A learning mindset
      • Am I open minded to expand my mind and explore other possibilities?
    • Grit
      • Can I dig in and fight for what a I want. Overcome comfort zones and barriers through sheer will and determination
    • Emotional intelligence
      • Understanding your child’s emotional state is important to communicate and support them for what they need. We know this
      • Getting them to understand their own emotional state is a game changer for being self-sufficient and independent later in life
      • Can they be aware of their feelings, control them, understand the consequences should we lose control.
  • It can be very powerful working in line with a coach to reinforce the emotional messages form a practice. “Keep going”, “Don’t give up”, “How did you feel sitting out, what decisions could you have made better?”
  • Sport categorically provides children opportunities to develop all of these over time. 

     

• Children first, not athletes!

Dealing With Disruptive Behavior

SAFETY, LEARNING & RESPECT! An important framework when dealing with any behavior but particularly, disruptive behavior.

• Disruption is a spectrum.

   

  • It is not linear in nature nor does it look, sound or feel the same from kid to kid.
  • There is a reason for disruption.  
    • Normally down to a task being too hard, too easy or somewhere in between.
    • Both sides of the scale need to be balanced from a coach
      
• To balance the scales, we build norms and values to ensure the group is able to play there are 3 key areas to avoid disruptive behavior:
  • Safety
    • No one plays if we cant be safe.
      • They’re responsible for their game time, not the coach.
      • Kicking cones, smashing balls around, hanging on goals stops the group from playing
    • looking after your friends, your team mates is important.
      • They’re just as responsible for their team mates and friends having fun, getting better and playing more as the coach is.
  • Learning
    • What does learning look like?
      • Listening
      • Eye Contact
      • Ball Still
      • Engage
  • Respect
    • Everyone is at a different point, we understand that, it is our job to help our friends
    • The coach wants to see you play and be successful, let them watch you by listening and reacting to instructions quickly and carefully
    • Someone has worked very hard to ensure you can play to be happy
  • Their Decisions
    • We often talk about how your decisions affect others, how much they play and that their actions have consequences for this. 

• If you see trouble, talk to your coach first
  • Coaches are human and not impervious to missing an issue or two during a class.
    • After class ask the coach about it.
      • It may have been noted if not dealt with for a reason.

Sideline Behavior For Parents – How To Act During Practice/Match/Scrimmage

The sideline is a wonderful place. The full scale of human emotion on any given afternoon. Joy and sadness, laughter and sighs as well as the occasional Ole and Wave! Very rarely however are we told and taught how to act…in the best interest for the kids. This goes for coaches to an extent too.

• Let the kids make their own decisions
   
  • Half the fun of the game for anyone, young and old, is making a decision and that decision leading to success.

     

• If I need to let them think, do I say anything at all? What’s the right volume for games from us?
  • Quiet enough to allow kids to hear each other, their coach but enough for them to feel your support.
  • If your voice is too big, too often AND provides conflicting information – THIS IS A PROBLEM!!! Why?
    • Kids don’t like letting down an adult they care about
      • conflicting information guarantees disappointment
      • Remember coaches will set challenges and tasks for each child, they hold the real context to what they are doing.
      • We understand the need and want for you to want them to know explicitly what they should do – It is ok if they don’t – This is also where learning lives – reflection, perception, cognition, execution (feel>look>think>do)
      • This is a wonderful opportunity to release your kids in to trusting another adult to help them as you would a school teacher.
      • Weaning your children off of your every instruction and thought and affirmation/approval is empowering for kids.
      • Reinforce eyes on the coach not you for affirmation
  • Sports is an environment where now they have to solve their own problems, affirmation needs to come from themselves and direction from others not the parents during a game
• • •  

• Outline what we are positive about.

• • What are we doing?
    • Has the coach spoke to you and relayed the messaged through the kids about what they should be doing?
    • if you’re not sure, ask.
      
      
  • Why?
    • Reaffirmation and praise for the intent of the decisions they are making based on the coaches communications is so so so powerful!
      
      
  • Even if it/they fail, PRAISE THE INTENT!!!!

• • • Don’t let the negative outcome or your bias’s on what ought to be happening, obstruct your support!
    • If you understand what the coaches are looking for, see it in your child, even if it doesn’t work out, this is excellent from the kids, really and truly excellent.